I have even lied to myself and accepted how someone else viewed me rather than how I viewed myself, and believe that how they viewed me was valid. I have accepted someone else's bad ideas of me and even granted them permission to share those same bad ideas about me to others. I’ve stayed silent when I should have defended myself and gave permission for someone/anyone to hurt, lie and steal from me.
The LIES that I repeated over and over in my head were the worst. Those lies caused me to slip into depression and think myself to illness. My thoughts and words that I sent to me, from me, carried weight. There was a time I would lye in bed for a week unwilling to leave for anything, take a bath, use the restroom, eat, call my love ones back, etcetera. All I wanted to do was sleep. Then that pivotal point happened. There was just too much disfunction going on in my life for me at the time for me to just lay in bed and play dead. I yelled out "I CAN NOT LIVE LIKE THIS ! I can't do it ! I just can’t. I thought myself into this shit show, now I am going to think my way out of it. "
I mean, I did not need anyone providing me false hope or a quick fix but I would have appreciated the tip, mentorship and blueprint had I been informed prior to having to figure it out based on resourcefulness. I wish someone would have shared with me that life focuses merely on what's going on inside of you. Once I
figured that part out I told myself, my mind is the CEO of this company called "My Life" and my body is the employee. I needed a whole new staff. First I needed to lay-off my old self and hire a new self.